A Reminder to Have Hope

Hello, hello!

All I can say is, wow! What a lucky time it has been!!

Last weekend, my sweet husband got me an overnight stay at a small cabin in Victor so I could search for grizzlies in the Tetons. I seized the opportunity and hit the park first thing that night. Especially interested in seeing The Queen, 399, and her single cub, Spirit, I did my usual rounds, which involved me driving slowly from one end of the park to the other, over and over again. It was fairly sunny and warm, which was lovely after another bout of cold and gloom back home in Idaho. Seeing those crisp, clear mountains never fails to put me in high spirits.

Just at the start of my foray into the park, however, a slight little blunder occurred. Out on the main highway, I noticed several cars pulled over, and I knew there must be something interesting around. I slowly pulled up at the end of the jam and gazed out at the brush. I couldn’t see anything, but people were looking out into what I thought was the distance. So, I got out of my car and decided to check it out. I approached a small group of people, and before I could ask what they were looking at, I heard a car honk, and my brain registered a moose about 8 feet in front of them…and now me!

I muttered under my breath and quickly turned around, retreating to the safety of my car. I couldn’t believe these people were so close to such an animal, but I also chastised myself for not checking my surroundings better before exiting the car. Praying I wouldn’t end up on the “Tourons of Yellowstone” Instagram account for the genuine accident, I quickly retreated from the inappropriate situation and hoped the moose wouldn’t be bothered too much.

After the blunder, my drive was pretty relaxing, and I was in high spirits that I might find 399 or even 610 and her three cubs. As I made my rounds, however, there were little signs of grizzly bears anywhere to be had. I gathered from eavesdropping at turnouts that 399, and Spirit had been in a particular area just that morning, but I had alas missed them. This is my typical experience, to be frank. I will often make a 6-hour round trip drive where I have to decide on spending either the morning or evening and it almost never fails that the grizzlies come out opposite of my choice! I also found out, sadly, that I had just missed the sighting of a male grizzly mere seconds before I made one of these informational stops.

However, I did not let these tidbits of information get me down because I was lucky enough to stay overnight. I also wanted to remain open to other experiences and decided to hang around if I saw something else.

And see something else, I did! But, not before spending a disheartening amount of time driving without much to show for it. I kept my eager mind occupied by listening to my favorite true crime podcast, which helped me stay focused. I can’t tell you how many rounds I made, but what I can say is that I got tired and, after several hours, decided it was time to make my last. On a hunch, I decided to go back to where the male grizzly was sighted earlier. Thinking I might see him, I slowly cruised past the last spot I’d heard he was. Unfortunately, there was nothing. Wanting to consider the exact course I would take to close things out, I decided to pull into a rest area I never sit at. It was there I happened to look far into a clearing and noticed what I thought, at first, was a coyote.

Excited, I lifted my lens and peered through, quickly realizing as my heart skipped that it was not a coyote but, in fact, a large gray wolf!

Now, for some context, up to this point I had never seen a wolf. I’ve gone to Yellowstone several times to one of the areas they frequent, and every single time, I miss them by a few seconds. Also, even though I had always missed them, the opportunity for such a sighting wouldn’t be the sort you could take a nice photo of. They are known to hang out pretty far, and watching them through a scope is really what it’s all about. This wolf, however, was close enough to tell what he was through my lens. I was delighted to watch him even though he was much too far for a nice photograph. He spent some time rolling around in the snow before he rose and wagged his tail, tongue hanging out with joy. It’s incredible how dog-like these awesome predators can be.

After some time, the wolf decided to go further away, toward the water. He disappeared down the embankment, so I decided to go to a nearby turnout to see if I could catch a glimpse there. By the time I’d arrived, however, I was told I’d missed him running along the bank into a thicket. I was a little discouraged, but honestly still thrilled to have seen my very first wolf, even if it was from a distance. On another hunch, though, I decided to head back to where I’d originally seen him. I told a few people who were there what I was doing because, in my opinion, it’s always generous to share these experiences with others if you can. Not everyone has the luxury of regularly visiting the park like myself, and it feels really good when someone gets a chance to see something special.

This turned out to be one of those special moments because as I rounded the bend in front of the two men I’d told about the wolf, he crossed the road directly in front of me. I quickly pulled over and turned on my flashers, all while rolling my window down to see if I could snap a photo. The wolf paused there at the base of the hill and looked at me, where I snapped one of the best photographs I’ve ever had the privilege of taking. I was hyperventilating and shaking I was so excited. It’s honestly a bit of a miracle the photo turned out nice, especially because I realized later I’d accidentally switched off my vibration reduction!

Even so, I got an amazing photo. After the wolf moved a bit further up the mountain, he turned and glanced again, and I snapped a second with a lovely, brush-filled background.

As quickly as the heart-stopping encounter happened, it was over. I drove back to the turnout, trailed by the two men who’d followed me before, where we got out and high-fived. We chatted excitedly about the wolf for quite some time and exchanged little stories about some of our other wildlife encounters, too. As it turns out, that is another one of my favorite things about these sightings. There’s nothing quite like sharing in the excitement of something incredible that, though we are strangers, we intrinsically understand what it means and how it feels. After bidding my new friends goodbye, I decided I’d had about as much luck as I could hope to have and decided to return to my cabin for the night.

Surprisingly, though, my luck was not entirely spent! On my way through the imposing shadow of the mountains, I noticed some photographers watching a foraging fox beside the road. Unfortunately, the light was extremely low, and I would later be challenged to brighten and keep them from being too grainy in Lightroom. Even so, the little fox crossed the road and sat right beside my car about 20 feet away, and it was quite a thrill to experience because, typically, foxes are very skittish.

The photo on the left is what I managed to render from the difficult lighting shown on the right.

The little cabin I stayed in was charming, but it was also the only affordable option for a reason, as there was no restroom inside my place. Because I’m a little paranoid about going out in the dark by myself, I refused to drink water other than the bare minimum to avoid feeling overly dehydrated so I could make it through the night. I spent some time catching up with my husband and editing my new pictures before falling asleep. I was still buzzing with excitement, though, so it took me some time, and my alarm at 5 am felt cruel.

Even so, I don’t mind waking up when I’m exhausted to do something I love. I still had high hopes of spotting a grizzly before going home, so I quickly got ready and motored into the park where another eventful day would unfold.

First, while it was still much too dark for photographs, I spotted what was unmistakably the silhouette of a Great Gray Owl in a tree beside the river. I did a double-take and gasped because I’d heard about them being in an area nearby, but after spending literal years searching for them, had not had the privilege of finding any (I did, however, find a spot in Idaho where they like to come during the winters). I considered going back, but it really was too dark, and I didn’t want to disturb the bird, so I decided to keep moving. Besides, I was just certain today would be the day for a big ol’ grizzly!

While I went on my way, I didn’t see much. I passed the area where I’d heard rumors of 399 and Spirit being sighted to no avail, but I did catch a small pack of coyotes crossing the street just before I went deep into the woods. Conveniently, there was a pull-out where I could quickly roll down my window and snag a picture. The light was harsh, but I was able to fix it up in Lightroom pretty well.

Coyote glances my direction after crossing the street in front of me.

After the brief coyote encounter, I spent a long time driving around with absolutely no sign of wildlife. I was beginning to feel disheartened, but I also knew my husband and I were going to camp near the Tetons the following weekend, so I wasn’t too down just yet. I passed the time with more true crime stories again, and near the time I was going to call it in and head home for the day, I noticed a pile of cars beside a hill. My heart started racing because it wasn’t far from the recent 399 sighting. However, I figured out quickly that it wasn’t a grizzly but a cinnamon-colored black bear foraging on the hill.

Despite the name, black bears can come in either black or cinnamon phases, and it often causes people to misidentify them as grizzlies. However, they lack the characteristic hump above the shoulder, and they also have much bigger, rounded backsides, which I was being treated to as soon as I got out of the car.

Thankfully, the bear did turn around, giving me a chance to take a gorgeous picture of his face.

Cinnamon colored black bear up on a gorgeous hillside.

After watching the black bear for only a few minutes, I went about my rounds. I munched on some hazelnuts and blueberries, gazed at the mountains, and kept a keen eye out for movement. Alas, there was nothing for the rest of that day. Still, I have to admit, it was just about impossible to go home without a smile after such a fantastic time. Plus, I knew the second Teton trip would be soon.

I went about my week, enjoying some big events, working on writing a book for my summer internship, and spending time with my family. Despite my excitement, it all went by in a flash, and before I knew it, I was up in those alluring mountains yet again.

I decided to head into the park while my husband finished his day at work. There, I happened upon the same black bear I’d viewed the week before. This time, I was only treated to his backside, which was comical. I listened to music and podcasts and sometimes just enjoyed some quiet thought. Round and round and round, I went in search of 610 or 399, only to come up thoroughly empty-handed.

I left the park, sure it would be a ‘no photo’ kind of outing, only to once more happen upon the same roadside fox. However, he worked his way far back into the brush within just a moment of my arrival. The people who’d been watching him before me gave up and left, but I decided to drive a little further in the direction he was headed to wait and see if he’d show. My patience paid off because he was out in an open field within just a few minutes, in much more favorable light than the last time. I took the best fox photographs I’ve managed to date and enjoyed watching the quirky little guy hunt. Foxes, as it turns out, have endearing little personalities.

I had the joy of watching the little guy hunt until he disappeared into the forest, after which I promptly left to meet my husband, Andrew, at our campsite. The following day, he went fishing, and I went back on my quest to find a grizzly, this time coming up empty-handed. I returned to the campsite for lunch and tortured myself over what to do. I wasn’t sure if I should return and keep trying or settle down and relax at camp. Ultimately, I decided to return. I convinced Andrew to go with me this time, though, and the company was a real treat. On the way there, my mom texted me and told me the Aurora Borealis was supposed to be visible that night, which was a major stroke of luck because I knew absolutely nothing about it. I won’t lie, that bit of information helped when we failed to find grizzlies again.

Thankfully, the trip was still fruitful because we came upon another black bear, this time a mother with two cubs. They were up on a hillside in some tricky lighting, and people were acting poorly because the rangers hadn’t arrived yet. In fact, I’m disappointed to say it is some of the worst bear-jam behavior I have ever witnessed. While people gathered on the hillside entirely too close (some of whom were aware), I hung back and took a few pictures from over their heads. I was concerned, but not overly, because I knew it was only a matter of time before rangers showed up and got things under control.

Unfortunately, before that could happen, a man with a massive camera, one that absolutely did not require close proximity, went and situated himself about 40 feet from the foraging family, startling one of the cubs in the process. The poor thing bolted up the hill and sat beside a tree for a long, long time before he even considered returning to his mother. I got a picture of him after he calmed down, and while the scene is admittedly pretty, I do sadly know why he wound up in that nice location. My husband and I left the area because it was too out of hand, and I felt uncomfortable about it, but then some rangers passed us, and I knew it would be handled.

Cub staying beside a distant tree after being frightened by a careless photographer.

We took a quick break and returned to find a much healthier wildlife viewing situation, where I got some better pictures

The same cub foraging beside his mother after the rangers came and cleaned up the scene (the man who scared the cub was long gone, thankfully).

Once the bears started to make their way back into the forest, we decided it was time to head back to camp to watch the northern lights, which didn’t disappoint. While many people snagged some great photos, I was far too dazzled by the sight to bother with my equipment. I can’t exactly put it into words, but being in total darkness and watching those lights pulse through the sky, leading to a central point that felt something like a star, was unreal. I felt at peace, I felt joy, I felt optimism for the future that I haven’t felt in a very long time. I thought about God and the things I’m grateful for. I carried that sensation with me to bed that night.

The following morning, the peace from that moment lingered, and I enjoyed a slow time. I drank coffee and edited pictures. I chit-chatted and tried to figure out what to do. Truthfully, I didn’t feel like returning to the park, but I was also very drawn to it. Andrew eventually convinced me to give it one more shot, operating under the premise that we could bike together along the mountains, something we’ve wanted to do for years. While the path before the peaks was beautiful and the air was fresh, it also gave me a harsh reminder that college has rendered me painfully out of shape. Even so, I was invigorated by the ride and eager to search again when we were through.

And then, just like that, there it was.

There was a massive pile of pulled-over cars in the area where she had been rumored since last week. I felt my heart race while we approached. I opened the sunroof and lifted my lens, met with an unmistakable brown hump that was closely trailed by another.

“It’s her!!” I exclaimed and saw the park ranger laugh.

I got out and rapidly snapped pictures, though she was very far away.

“I think it’s 399…” I mostly said to myself, breathless and intense.

“It’s 399,” the park ranger told me kindly.

I literally could not stop smiling.

However, just as soon as I arrived, she disappeared below a ridge. I was discouraged but also far beyond grateful that I’d actually seen both her and Spirit, even if only for a moment. I hung around and listened to the gossip about how she’d been in the field since morning, roaming back and forth but never coming close. I realized that was how the situation would be, if at all.

I waited and waited and waited.

Certain that she’d retreated into the mountains, my husband and I decided to leave and try our luck with 610. As we started to drive, however, we noticed a small crowd gathering high on a nearby hill, their cameras pointed into the field where she’d been. We decided to stop and check it out, and sure enough, she hadn’t left but was rather sleeping with her cub tucked safely against her side.

I smiled. I sat down. I prepared for a long wait because, once she began to stir, the sun was directly behind, rendering her nothing more than a grizzly shadow. We watched. We waited. She never came close (which is a good thing, considering the risks of habituation). The sun, however, gently tucked behind the mountain, and just before it got too dark to be possible, I got one decent shot of the beloved Queen of the Tetons and another of her notoriously giant cub.

I left them behind with a heart tenderly filled, another wave of hopeful peace pulsing through me like the Northern Lights.

I write about it now with the same love and light inside.